How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
