trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
