u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Im part way to drunk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
