I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
