you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
