My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
