so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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