Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
