I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
