Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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