His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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