Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
