I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you win again, gameday.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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