just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
