woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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