So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
