Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want a musical about memes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
