Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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