To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
