im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
