I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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