the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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