is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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