what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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