Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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