the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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