I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he puts the penis in happiness.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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