I am in a vortex of obligation.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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