Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
