if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
