I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
