That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
