He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
