Heybabeimwearingurpanties
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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