umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
