it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
