Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this boner is exhausting
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
