I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
