So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love having hate sex.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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