have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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