I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
