ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
