i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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