Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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