That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
