I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
