I cannot find my penis.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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