walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
