my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
