We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
