Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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