peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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