fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
