once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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