There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
