like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
