I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
