does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize