Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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