About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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