i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
