last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
