I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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