We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
