Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
