I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
