it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
