Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
