Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she looked like the before picture.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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