i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
