If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
