he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
