i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
