Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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