Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's great music for shaving your balls
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
