Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize