So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
