We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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