Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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