If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
