My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
