did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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