Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Even my vagina gasped.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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