i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
