I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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