As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
