Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
