he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
