so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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