I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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