If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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