Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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