Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hippo gnu deer
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i've created a new STD.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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