omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
