There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
