you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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