Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
