All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
