I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
