im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
