and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
