Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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