TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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