I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want nice things and good sex
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize