i jhust puked up my retainher.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
