i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
